letter #13: Parable of the long spoons

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I have a story I want to share with you.

It's called "the parable of the long spoons."

The point of the story is to define heaven and hell. But, today, the story helped me define where we were and where we are.

Change as a Story

The truth of the matter is: we will never have the same world we did before the pandemic. That's why we're mourning. We're morning the loss of our normal lives. We're mourning the loss of gathering for dinner. We're mourning the loss of gathering for worship. We're mourning the loss of routine, physical touch, browsing in a grocery store, the list goes on.

But, the story of the long spoons tells us that (somehow) our old normal could have been hurting us and the new way we see the world could heal us. The story of the long spoons helped me understand how we may be moving into a better world despite the pain of now.

The story begins with two men. One offers the other two rooms to walk into. They walk into the first one. Inside, is a large round table. A large pot of vegetable stew, steaming and nutty smelling, sits on the center of the table. However, the people gathered around are famished; sickly. Each has a spoon in their hand with long handles, longer than their arms. So, they find it impossible to reach into the stew and feed themselves. The spoon is simply too long to reach their mouths. They are miserable and suffering.

"You have seen hell," the man says.

So then, they visit the second room. Behind this door, the room appears exactly the same. A large round table is in the center with a pot of beefy stew in the middle. The people surrounding the table have the same long, impossible spoons. However, this time, they are nourished and plump. They were laugh and celebrate and dance.

"I don't understand," the man said.

"It's simple," said the man that brought him there. "Love only requires one skill. These people learned early on to share and feed one another. This is heaven."

Before the pandemic, our old world was full of personal gratification. We were concerned about getting promotions, making more money, buying houses, getting the latest iPhone, cheering for our own sports teams and having the most "likes" on social media. I've spent my entire life searching for self-actualization. I'm thousands of dollars in debt to find fulfillment in my personal talents to have a career. It's a drive and need present in all of us. But, like the parable, self-fulfillment can't be enough. And it's certainly not possible without others.

Perhaps, we had briefly forgotten about our interdependence with those around us. Perhaps we stopped caring about others in a way that was impactful. Right now, more than ever, we're being reminded that taking care of one another will eventually feed everyone. When we do care about others, as the long spoon parable makes it so clear, we help others overcome their suffering. By doing that, we are unconsciously caring for ourselves.

I'm not saying our old world, less than a month ago, was hell. But it was different than it is now. We are feeding one another with our long spoons. We are taking what was an unhealthy, famished world and healing it again by not thinking so much about ourselves.

I'm not saying dinner parties and sweaty concerts were physically hurting us before all this happened. They weren't. I'm saying that now, we have found a new way of healing one another. What was beautiful in its normalcy before has a new "add on." We'll always be conscious about how our behavior affects one another. We'll be more courteous. We'll become more adaptable. We'll think of others and in that process, become closer to ourselves.